“I have the ability to run 90km.” There, I said it. I am an Ultimate Human. Jog on, mortals.

I can see the end of my Comrades journey; almost taste the GU, smell that dubious marathon smell – you know the one I’m talking about – and hear the crowd cheering my name. I’ve been running for an eternity, I’ve got running coming out of my ear holes, I’ve left no running stone un-trampled.

Four Hills for Lindsay was our last training run, the grand finale. Ending things with a bang, we formed the AAC Choral Society and wrote the kind of hit that will go down in marathon history: Training for the Comrades, Doo-Dah-Doo-Dah. Since, we’ve woken many a normal person, singing from the rooftops at 5am.

Moral is at an all time high because the hard part is, apparently, finito. We’re lighter on our feet in favour of social runs and celebratory breakfasts.

If you ask me, though, all this rest has done is give me more time to think about stuff. What if my flight is delayed? Are there toilets? Power walking on NATIONAL television? With my Hobbit legs? Will I ever live it down?

All that’s needed to quash my anxiety is a reminder of the valuable lessons I have learned on my Comrades journey:

• Motivation: The guy who stayed with me when I was struggling, all the way to the top of Red Hill, and when my boyfriend screamed at me to sprint towards the finish line, seconds away from achieving my marathon seeding time.

• Intuition: Saying yes: to rest when my legs feel wonky, to sleep when I’m physically exhausted and to plenty of food – admittedly, the last part wasn’t hard.

• Advice: Oodles of knowledge and support from my running family.

• Inspiration: Fellow runners have overcome the odds to cross the finish line and are, in my eyes, legends.

• Enjoyment: Beautiful scenery, good company and a sense of achievement.

10 CREEPY CRAWLY

Colin Goosen’s desperate crawl for the 10th and last gold medal in 1983. The Pietermaritzburg crowd screamed and television viewers went hysterical. The newspapers reported that a housewife smashed her TV when she threw her iron at it in frustration. Colin’s crawl was particularly agonising because he twice tried and failed to stand up and then for a few horrific metres crawled the wrong way down the finish straight. He will forever be known as Colin “creepy crawly” Goosen.

9 WRECKAGE

As the large leading pack of runners passed the 56km to go board on Harrison Flats in 1982 Alan Robb chirped “we’re on the start line of the Two Oceans gentlemen”. The lead pack crumbled into bits of flotsam and jetsam with discarded bodies clinging to the wreckage as everyone realised the implications of that statement.

8 FRITH

Commentating on television on Frith van der Merwe’s amazing 15th place in 1989, Tim Noakes and I ran out of superlatives. Her stunning run was best summed up by Stewart Peacock who finished 12th. Shortly after he entered Kingsmead the crowd of spectators exploded into cheers and screams. Peacock ran the last lap punching the air, waving and blowing kisses to what he believed was an adoring public welcoming him home. Only when he turned to gaze back down the home straight did he see this irritating wisp of a girl in pigtails come skipping along.

7 THE GREATEST

Wally Hayward, 1988. The greatest Comrades run ever. Just shy of his 80th birthday, Hayward ran an incredible 9:44:15 beating more than half the field. Few runners consider that he had to run a sub-4:30 qualifying standard marathon just to be able to line up at the start.

6 BATTLEFIELD

25 000 runners in 2000.
The finish at Scottsville at 5:30pm looked like a battlefield.

5 NEGLIGEE T

The honeymoon couple in the double bed at the bottom of Polly Shorts in 1982. They toasted us with French champagne as we ran past. Theirs was a particularly startling gesture as it was freezing cold and drizzling slightly and she was wearing a very skimpy negligee.

4 GYMNAST

Dancing Dave Wright and his cartwheel/Arab spring at the finish of each of his Comrades. I can scarcely hobble at the finish yet his gymnastic display was always worth at least a 9.75 for the Olympic floor exercise.

3 SISSY BOY

Rob Taylor weeping on television after finishing his first Comrades. He had expressly promised us he would not. He cried on completing his first Two Oceans but vowed a diet of cowboy novels and John Wayne movies had cured him of his sissy behaviour. I should have been the one crying as Leonid Shvetsov had just broken my down record!

2 IN MEMORY

Grant Behrman ran in memory of his father and brother last year. He trained alone through the Connecticut, New England, winter to fulfil his dream. As we listened to Shosholoza and Max Trimborn’s cockerel crow he sank down on one knee to pray briefly. I noticed he had sewn pictures of his late brother and father on the back of his vest.

1 THE GUN

Always the final gun. It’s so dramatic, so sad and so unforgettable.

10. DRUGS

No matter how much your quads ache taking painkillers like Myprodol can cause stomach ulcers. Try and avoid the ‘dealers’ and vasby.

9. PASTA BUSTER

You will eat far more pasta than you should, which will leave you feeling bloated and fat on the start line. Go for a more balanced diet.

8. FEET UP

You will spend too long at the Expo walking around and checking out all the new stuff. But remind yourself that for every step you take the day before, the more it will impact you on race day.

7. HALFWAY PANIC

You will feel more tired than you think at halfway. But you have trained and your body will get you there. Suck it up and get on with it.

6. WATERPOINT STOPOVERS

Waterpoints are like an oasis but don’t hang about too long. Most runners do and waste precious minutes when they could be moving forward.

5. BEER

They will offer it to you along the way but don’t touch a sip. It dehydrates, can upset your stomach and will make you thirsty.

4. GROSS

Do not blow your nose or spit in the direction of other runners. Seriously… it’s horrid!

3. COMPLAINTS

Don’t complain about the food along the way. There is everything you need.

2. CUT-OFF

If you don’t make the cut-off time, no matter how close you are, please refrain from attacking the marshals. They are just doing their jobs and remember: that energy could have gotten you across the line.

1. START

Don’t start too fast. You almost certainly will but we’re just telling you not to. The easier you start, the better you will finish later. Stick to your race plan.

No matter how skinny you are, the pure action of running over an extended distance makes you susceptible to chafe. This is a nasty condition that makes use of guerrilla warfare on unsuspecting exercisers. It doesn’t need much to inflict pain. Just prolonged motion, some skin, a little fabric, a drop of moisture and hey Presto – a throbbing red skin lesion is born!

Chafe is the result of skin abrasion. The friction caused by the movement of skin on skin, or skin on material, causes the superficial layer of epidermis (your hard outer layer) to be shaved off. The longer you allow the condition to develop, the more you penetrate the dermis (deeper layers) which contain the blood and nerve supply of the skin” says Dr Martinus Huystek of Pretoria University’s Family Medical Department.

Eventually, the wound begins to emit fluid, the broken skin and moist environment then make you prone to infection. If left untreated, serious secondary infection can occur.”

• During a marathon, the typical male nipple brushes the shirt approximately 50 000 times, causing a burning sensation and bleeding.
• Approximately 80% of all male runners who run 10km or more in a single workout experience some degree of chafing and abrasion.

Big legs: Legs that touch at any point between your crotch and knees need special attention. Invest in a pair of Lycra shorts to prevent causing a forest fire.

Biceps that double as swimming armbands: Big arms are first to chafe, but any contact with clothing is a prime cause, so skinny dudes beware. Use a lube regardless of size.

Wonder bra ad girl: Rule of thumb, if you have breasts, wear a sports bra that fits and lube the straps for good measure.

Nipples (men): Yes boys, you too must take care. Tape up your smarties with Micropore surgical tape for best effect.

Comrades in a G-string: Butt cheeks are a common chafe area. Forget cotton underwear and lube up. (We suggest you do it before you leave home!)

Your legs join your body: Well, then you probably have a crotch. Wear shorts designed for running and double up with Lycra if you are overloaded with precious cargo.

Your dad is Dr Spock: Sun glasses may cause chafe over the soft skin of the ears. Run with a pair with a good fit and shuffle them regularly.

The Liquorice Allsorts Man: You’re in deep trouble if you dress in anything but running gear. Marinate in a petroleum-based lubricant for two days prior to race day!

Get trendy: Lose the white cotton rugby shorts. Use moisture wicking, modern running apparel.

You’re a guy: Even the crown jewels need a polish every now and then. The scrotum is a hot spot for pain – treat it accordingly.

You’re a techno freak: Your heart rate monitor chest strap is digging deep – make sure it is tight enough or wear it lower down over your ribs.

You’re Mike Finch (Runner’s World editior):

In cases of severe chafe (you’re bleeding):

• Clean the wound – soap and water will do
• Apply an antiseptic ointment e.g. Bactroban
• Cover with a bandage to avoid further chafe
• Remove after one day, re-apply and cover
• If secondary infection does occur (it is emitting a pus discharge) a course of antibiotics is recommended.

• Vaseline: The household favourite, just slap it on and run for joy.
• Lanolube Sports lubricant containing lanolin.
• DynaSport Protective anti-chafe cream.
• MyloCort: A broad spectrum chafe and anti-itch cream for treatment only.
• Elastoplast Tape that really sticks – save some bravado for removing it.
• Mycropore: A fibrous surgical tape for delicate skin areas.
• Transpore: The heavy duty brother to Mycropore, this product is plastic-based, making it waterproof.
• Clocktower salve: A zink oxide product for the treatment of chafe.
• Zambuk: Eucaplyptus-based stalwart of body creams, but use it for treatment only, not prevention.
• Tinaderm: A fungal ointment which can be used for the treatment of chafe.

• Masking tape: Wears away due to moisture and you are left with the gluey residue.
• Skin moisturisers: Your skin absorbs the lotion (defeating the object) and they soften the skin.
• Lipstick: Cosmetics often use perfume and colourant chemicals which may cause an allergic reaction.
• Cotton: Stays wet, which adds to the probability of chafe.
• Bum bags: They’re not designed for running, so you can expect the burn after 20km if you insist.

• Duct tape
• Water down trouble spots continually. Sweat equals salt, salt equals abrasion.
• Sun block. Water proof brands with high SPF help prevent sweat from crystallising and causing chafe.
• Snap off a frond from an Aloe plant. Squeeze out the goo.
• Motor oil. Out on the long run and you’ve forgotten your lube? Just pop into the local garage and find a used oil can. Messy but effective.
• Lip balm
• Any anti-bacterial topical ointment. You may have to apply it regularly, but at least you won’t get an infection.
• Talcum Powder. A long-shot request from spectators, but worth the relief
• Stop running…Yeah right!

Apparently Her Majesty had earlier been at a children’s sports function in Soweto and helping children was a great concern to her. I was about to tell her that I intended keeping no secrets when she suddenly remarked: “I hope you will forgive me Mr. Fordyce but I always believed marathon runners had to be big and strong and tough and you appear to be anything but.” “No, your Majesty,” I replied, “they have to be just like me. Skinny, anaemic looking, with strong legs, good heart and lungs and no brain cells.” I am proud to say I made the Queen laugh and we left it at that. The Queen’s entourage led her off to meet people far more important than a runner, such as wealthy Captain’s of Industry and porky politicians, and I was left trembling with nerves and desperately looking for a gin and tonic.

Ingredients of a Long Distance Runner

But what are the ingredients of a good, long-distance runner and more particularly what is required to win a race like the Comrades marathon? I wasn’t being entirely frivolous when I gave the Queen my answer. To win the Comrades marathon a runner must first, and most importantly, choose his or her parents with great care. No amount of training, dedication or hard work can replace the most important asset, choosing the correct genes. These genes must produce someone who has a good V02 max and strong legs. Over the years I have become convinced that the real secret lies in strong legs and most particularly powerful calf muscles. This view is in direct contrast to that of Dr. Ross Tucker who has written in Runner’s World that the truly great long-distance runners have very skinny calf muscles. He is, of course refering to the great East African runners whose calf muscles look like two pigeon’s eggs perched on top of a skinny pole. But if we look at Comrades gold medallists such as Andrew Kelehe, Alan Robb, Hoseah Tjale and Leonid Shvetsov, then powerful calf muscles are the dominant feature. Of course, the great Wally Hayward was the calf muscle king. His calves were like great rump steaks, so large and riddled with finger thick veins that they looked like they had their own separate circulatory systems.

Comrades Race Day

On race day, however, a potential Comrades winner competes against a bunch of runners who selected the same type of parents as he. So hard work becomes essential. Rather like making a fine wine, the process cannot be hurried. About 160 to 220km a week in training for five or six years – with lots of hillwork, speedwork, long runs and races thrown in – seems to be roughly the correct blend. Indications that you are ready to win the Comrades include the ability to sprint five times up Sweethooghte hill in Johannesburg at an average 1:18. I like a runner who can break 14 minutes 30 seconds for 5000 metres, 30 minutes for 10km and 2:20 for the marathon.

Develop a winning attitude!

After I had finished third and second in the 1979 and 1980 Comrades respectively, Gordon Howie (owner of the Runner Group of specialist running shops) gave me the best advice I have ever received. “Get used to winning Bruce,” he said. “Become accustomed to the fear, pressure and loneliness of leading. Run time trails, fun runs, anything. But get used to being in front.” He was right. Winning is another country. Far away and very foreign. It isn’t fun (except for the bit when you break the tape). Winning hurts a lot and a potential Comrades winner has to become familiar with the feeling and embrace it.

Know the race backwards

Learn all there is about the race. Know the course like a geographer and the history like a Professor of History. Ask yourself now: Who was the first runner to break the six-hour barrier on the “up” run.* If you don’t know the answer you will not win the Comrades. You can’ t win if the passion doesn’t run in your veins and the passion drives you to read about it, talk about it, even gossip about it. Taper agressively for the race and follow the Saltin diet (if you don’t know what the Saltin diet is the passion definitely doesn’t run in your veins). Watch videos of the race, and choose a theme song to inspire you (Chariots of Fire, doesn’t count). In 1981 I chose Van Morrison’s “Into the Mystic” and in ’82 Pachelbel’s Canon in D. Become scared and alone and shrivelled up with fright the day before the race, particularly as the watery winter sun sets on the last night before the race. Lie awake with a beehive in your stomach the night before while grabbing patches of bad sleep and then wake cheerful, full of jokes and feeling calm and resolute and ready to die if necessary.

Training for the race

Understand that training for the race is a science. Success does NOT go to the runner who trains the hardest but to the runner who trains the cleverest and knows the process like a scientist. But if the training is a science, the race itself is an art. Winners paint their own canvas by employing the artist’s touch and feel to surge at one moment, or cower in the pack at another.

Strive for excellence

Finally, understand that if the lure of the prize money is your chief spur then you have very little chance of winning. Once, when I complained to cricketer Vince Van der Bijl that we put in so much work for so little financial reward, he admonished me with the words: “Strive for excellence Bruce, and the rewards will follow.” He was so right. And the least important of those rewards has been financial.

*It was Jackie Mekler and he did it in 1960.

Bruce Fordyce won the Comrades Marathon from 1981 to 1988 and then again in 1990.

1) Johnny Halberstadt

Johnny Halberstadt may well have been South Africa’s greatest ever distance runner. His range included a sub 4 minute mile and a 5:45 Comrades Marathon. He won every major SA road race at least once and every SA road title. His two second places in the Comrades did not do justice to his immense talent but for 3 years, from 1979 -1981 he terrified all of us and was always a major contender to win.

2) Alan Robb

Alan’s record speaks for itself: 4 wins, 12 gold medals. He was particularly lethal on the down run.

3) Hosea Tjale

With the exception of the Comrades, “Hoss” won every major South African ultra and the London to Brighton. He came desperately close to winning on a couple of occasions and earned 9 gold medals.

4) Bob de la Motte

Bob de la Motte truly believed he would win the Comrades. While other contenders hoped to win, Bob knew he would. When he didn’t, he came back the following year twice as determined. In 1986 he broke the Comrades record and still did not win. He was the most ferociously determined athlete I ever met.

5) Mark Page

One of the most talented runners to run the Comrades, Mark might well have won the 1992 Comrades had he not been struck by really bad cramps on the descent to Little Pollys.

6) Nick Bester

Nick has been the toughest runner ever to run the Comrades and probably the most talented all round sportsman. In addition to his 1991 Comrades win, he was an Ironman champion, Dusi gold medallist and mountain bike champion. It should come as no surprise to those who know Nick to learn that he was a parabat soldier.

7) Piet Vorster

It took Piet 7 years to win the Comrades but he did and with a record and against a stellar field.

8) Shaun Meiklejohn

It took Shaun even longer (13 years) to win. But all of his 22 medals are silver or gold. And in 2010 he ran a 6:45. Say no more

9) Frith Van der Merwe

Luckily I didn’t run the 1989 Comrades or Frith Van der Merwe would probably have given me a hiding. Arguably the best runner the Comrades has ever seen and the equal of most elite male runners.

10) Wally Hayward

The argument would be between Wally and Frith about who is the greatest runner. But in 1988 Wally annihilated us all in the up Comrades in a computerised handicap race. He was 3 weeks shy of his 80th birthday

The final date to run a qualifying race for those runners who had not yet submitted their qualifying details for the 2012 Comrades Marathon was yesterday (Sunday, 6 May 2012). Runners must submit their qualifying times by close of business today (Monday, 7 May 2012).

Failure to meet the qualifying criteria will result in your entry being rejected as Club and qualifying details will not be accepted at registration.

No seeding upgrades will be done after 7 May 2012. Therefore, please note that you will not be able to participate and your details will be removed from our database, which means that you will not receive a goodie bag or runners T-shirt.

This year’s ultra-marathon will be a down-run on Sunday, 3 June 2012, starting at the Pietermaritzburg City Hall at 05h30 and ending at Durban’s Sahara-Kingsmead Stadium 12 hours later.

With an entry tally of over 19,400 runners, the CMA has further urged runners to head extra early to the Start Venue, in lieu of the extensive road works in the Pietermaritzburg area which could result in travel delays.

Race Director, Johan Van Staden says, ‘The seeding batches close promptly at 05h15 and the gun goes off at exactly 05h30, so late runners will unfortunately not get to participate in the great race. Let’s try and avoid that.’

An anti-inflammatory, many runners believe that ibuprofen does away with muscle soreness – but it actually does more harm than good.

A study tracked ibuprofen use at the 160km “Western States 100″ in the USA. The pills failed to reduce muscle pain or soreness, and blood tests revealed that ibuprofen takers actually had greater levels of inflammation than those who abstained from the drug.

Bottom line: there is absolutely no reason for runners to be using ibuprofen (darn!).

What are your pain-reducing remedies? Ice bath? Long stretch? Deep heat?

Let us know and we’ll publish it, right here! Either comment below, or send us an email.